I think Rob Zombie said it best when he sang "I feel so good, I Feel so numb, yeaaaah". It's becoming a strange state of being when indifference fills the hole of passion. The thought of it is absolutely frightening but I'm not scared. I sat awake in my bed this morning and just thought about what I'm doing with my life and really I'm doing a whole lot of nothing. It's unsatisfying to say the least and secretly it annoys me when others are happy. I suppose it's due to this ego I built up over the years that I can't understand why others deserve it over me. I suppose I want too much, as if there's going to be a shine of light onto my eyes that gives me spiritual happiness. It's fitting then that I write this in my dark room in the morning.
I'm scared of becoming someone who has accepted a pathetic existence but I feel that that's what's going to happen unless I find some purpose. I don't want the world to see me because I don't think that they'd understand. I just need to bleed just to know that I'm alive.
On a brighter note. I'm going to check out Finch at the Paradise Rock Club tonight Should be a bitchin' concert. This little outing is a result of me wanting to not be bored as much and if I'm going out all the time I can at least pretend like I'm doing something (if not distract me from the nothingness). OH wait, this was supposed to be the brighter note. my bad
Turn summer trees to bones and ice
Turn insect songs against the night
With words we build and words we break
I'm drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves...
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