Vicissitudes

I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on? ... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty two and I am already exhausted.

That was quoted from Elizabeth Wurtzel and it describes with tremendous accuracy how I feel sometimes. I so often embrace the inner ass in me because I get tired of the poorly scripted drama that is my life. I really feel that a lot of people go through life for the sake of going through it. While others go through life if only to prove to themselves that they are of value. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm going through it. Obviously happiness is a goal but I'm tired of that notion being embodied by my future self. There couldn't be a better word than stumbling that describes how we go through life. Some of us are the drunks stumbling through the streets living in the moment, not worrying where they're stumbling. Others stare at each step they take with no sight of what's down the road and they essentially have stumbled into a future they did not so precisely calculate. I just would like to stumble on some happiness.

I suppose this post sounds pretty depressing and you might have picked up your cell phone to see if I'm still alive. Far from it; I enjoy life very much. But I can't help but feel a little lost sometimes. This vague, albeit depressing posts are probably a hell of a lot more interesting than stories of me bar hopping with my buddies or visiting the Sam Adams brewery (which btw rocked).


can you hear the dolphin's cry?